Deadpool was at his apartment, watching TV while reading the recent issue of "Playboy Magazine." Said magazine featured the heroines of the Marvel Universe.
"Let's see here..... Rouge, would do, but would die. Psylocke, definitely. Firestar, meh. Phoenix, she'd burn off my dick...."
Deadpool found himself on a stranded island, missing the magazine.
"Aww.... Well, at least I have some weapons on hand."
Deadpool aligned his weapons in a fixed order, and had mentally given them names. He started his weapons roll-call.
"Charley and Avocado the pistols..... Oh, there they are! Zackillerkrabs, the Bazooka..... Here! And over here, Ho, ho, ho! Miss Stephanie and Miss Jane the katanas.... Would do, but, well, they're katanas.
"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man....
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!
I'm strong to the finich, cause I eats me spinach...
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!"
Popeye was sailing the seven seas, looking for an island to have a BBQ at, along with Olive Oyl and Wimpy (Who was eating the raw hamburgers).
"Now Wimpy, make sure you save us some of them burgers!" Popeye reminded Wimpy.
Wimpy, with a slight hint of nervousness in his voice, replied with a "S-Sure! I-I'll wait..."
Popeye could detect the lie in Wimpy's voice.
"Yeah, IknowaliewhenIhearone, don'ttrytotrickme." Popeye mumbled under his breath, as he sometimes did.
"Now, Popeye, give him a chance, he could be telling the truth-"
Olive Oyl paused when she saw Wimpy consuming some of the uncooked meat.
"-I see what you mean."
"Eh, I prefer me Spinach."
Popeye kinda stopped caring about Wimpy eating their food. He did bring Hot-Dogs and a hidden stash of burger meat for the trip, after all. But he preferred his Spinach anyways.
"Me sweet Olive, may I have the telescope?"
Olive handed Popeye the telescope. and he looked into it. Looking around, he saw one island.
"Found an island."
"But is it safe for my burgers?" Wimpy asked the sailor.
"Yeah, they'll be safe..." Popeye replied. He doubted Wimpy cared more for the burgers than his own life.
Popeye examined the island closer.... He saw a man in red and black clothing, Katana's sheathed in his back.
"Ah, sowhatisthatfellowdoing?" Popeye mumbled again.
He saw a rouges gallery of weapons, spread across the shore. He seemed to be talking to them....
Popeye immediately assumed that this guy was insane. He was gonna check this fellow out, as he should know that playing with weapons is not safe!
Popeye let Wimpy and Olive hop into the lifeboat, and directed them to the other side of the island. He didn't want his friends getting hurt!
As soon as the two got to the other side, Popeye turned his boat towards this red maniac. Whoever he was, he had NO idea how much danger he was in.
Popeye parked his boat, and calmly walked towards the lad. He didn't want to set off anything, after all.
"Excuse me, lad, but do you know those weapons are kinda dangerous?"
Deadpool turned his head towards the sailor. He looked old, so why should he have any credibility?
"Listen, baldy, dangerous ones are my favorite kind! At least you stopped me from dry-humping this Katana."
Popeye stared in shock. Did he just say.....
"You look confused. Are you a virgin?"
Popeye raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry pal, but I don't talk like that! You're parents should've stuck the soap in your mouth a long time ago!"
"Huh. So, would you swear violently if I blew up your ship?"
Before Popeye answered, Deadpool fired his rocket launcher, and blew up the ship.
Popeye grew an angry look, his ears shooting out smoke in anger.
"No, but I'll roughs ya up!"
Deadpool gathered all of his weapons, and stored them in an unknown location.
"All right, but sailor, do you like Christmas? Because I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!"
"You'llwishyouwere, youlittlepunk." Popeye mumbled.
Deadpool ran like a cartoon character at his opponent, dual-wielding Katanas. Deadpool raised them over his head, and aimed to slice the cockeyed sailor in half.
Popeye grabbed them with both of his hands, and spun Deadpool around. He threw Deadpool into a tree, with a coconut falling on Deadpool's head.
"Wait! You didn't get a cut on your hands or anything?"
Popeye raised both of his hands.
Deadpool took out a teddy bear and tossed it in Popeye's face. Popeye caught the bear in his hands.
Popeye made a mental note to give this to Olive later. He put it away, and saw a flurry of bullets heading towards him. Popeye outran the bullets, and managed to reach Deadpool. Once this happened, Deadpool was met with a series of quick jabs, one of them taking off his arm.
Popeye looked at the arm of his opponent.
"You wanna keep going? Ya's seems to be disarmed at the moment."
"Hold on a minute, I'll fix this flesh wound."
Deadpool threw a smoke bomb at Popeye, which emitted a large cloud of smoke, blinding the sailor. Deadpool proceeded to re-attach his arm.
"Oh, youlittleninjaguy!" Popeye mumbled under his breath. Popeye took a deep breath, and shot a huge wind out of his mouth. Said wind sent Deadpool through a few trees.
"Oh, jeez! I wonder what else you blow...."
Popeye had another stare of shock on his face.
"Man, didyouhaveparents? Ifso, theysworealot!" Popeye mumbled.
"Man, your mumbling is weird. How about THIS?"
Deadpool took out two pistols and fired them at Popeye. Popeye outran them, and started winding up his fist.
Popeye slammed his fist into the ground, and starts digging.
Deadpool backs up, and puts a hand over his ear. He did hear Popeye digging towards him. Time to trick him!
Popeye stopped digging. Deadpool tiptoed backwards one step....
Popeye did a spinning punch as he sprouted out of the sand. He missed Deadpool! Deadpool countered.
"SHORYUKEN!"...... To Popeye's crotch.
Popeye got a pained look and as he hunched over, Deadpool raised his foot, and kicked him in the butt.
As Popeye was sent flying, Deadpool unloaded his Machine Gun on Popeye. Every bullet hit Popeye, and, once he landed, he looked like swiss cheese, but instead of holes, pure silver.
Deadpool noticed that no blood came out.
"Well, there goes my problem! And do I smell hamburgers and a woman?"
Popeye's eye opened as he heard that.
"Nobody takes me Olive Oyl!"
Deadpool turned around, shocked.
"B-But how? You got plugged with bullets!"
Popeye took out a can labeled "Spinach", took out the vegetable, and ate it whole.
"Ya had your fun! Now it's my turn!"
Popeye's chest and stomach puffed up, and each and every bullet popped back out and hit Deadpool.
As his chest puffed back to normal, Popeye's arms popped up, and every bullet in his arm shot and hit Deadpool.
"OW! That hurt me!"
"That doesn't compare, to what I'M gonna do to you."
Popeye cracked his knuckles. Deadpool took out his Bazooka.
"Eat this, along with your spinach!" Deadpool shouted at the menacing sailor.
The shot fired.
It hit him, point blank.
As soon as it hit, it exploded.
Popeye walked out, not phased in the slightest.
Deadpool fired the one remaining shot from the Bazoka.
Popeye grabbed the rocket, and tossed it back to Deadpool. It missed.
Deadpool, in a state of panic, unloaded his Machine Gun onto Popeye. They all bounced off of Popeye.
Suddenly, the voices in Deadpool's head started talking.
"This weapon isn't working, Deadpool!"
"It's game over, man, GAME OVER!"
Deadpool responded to these voices, not realizing he ran out of ammo.
"Look, guys, I'll defeat this guy. No matter the cost! Well, he'll have to give me money after I kill him."
One voice resoponded.
"Um.... He's right there."
Deadpool looked forward, and saw the glaring sailor.
Deadpool swung his katana.
When it hit, it got dented.
A nervous Deadpool said: "Um..... Hi?"
Popeye uppercutted Deadpool, sending him through the time stream.
Deadpool turned into Wade Wilson, the Wade before the Weapon X Program.
"Huh? How'd he do that?"
Suddenly, Wade was in outer space, with Popeye lifting the Earth.
Popeye slammed the Earth against the before Weapon-X Wade. This time, no Healing Factor was kicking in as Wade went "SPLAT!" upon the island they were fighting on.
Popeye flew back to the island and landed. Once he saw the splat that was once Deadpool/Wade Wilson.
Popeye started a song:
"Looks like I didn't die,
to that ninja guy,
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!"
Popeye goes to find Olive and Wimpy, while Wade is just... Broken.
Killer: My soul just shattered.
Mr. Krabs: This really wasn't a contest. While Deadpool's healing factor and unpredictability kept Popeye on his toes, Popeye was just too much for Deadpool.
Zac: Even in base form, Popeye was smarter and faster, and his strength and durability far exceed that of Deadpool's.
Killer: His Spinach completely stomped Deadpool, as none of Wade's weapons would come close to hurting Popeye.
Zac: And, yes, Popeye has punched someone through the time stream before, but that's not even his best feat!
Killer: Popeye once lifted the Earth. This means he can lift 6.6 Sextillion Tons!
Mr. Krabs: Now, I wrote a song. Want to sing it with me?
Zac and Killer: *After Reading it* Sure.
All three of them:
All of the rage,
will be in the comments page,
the winner is Popeye the Sailor Man!
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES:
+Was WAY Stronger.
+Much more durable.
+Had more powerful attacks.
+Had a fair bit of unpredictability.
+Healing factor kept Popeye busy.
-Nowhere near the strength of Popeye.
-Even with the Healing Factor, was less durable.
-Could not hope to match Popeye's spinach-
-Nor could he hurt Popeye in that form.